Sarcasm

It’s not just me, right?

I hate shopping centres. People have no respect for your personal space. Morons just stop in the middle of a walk way. Getting trolleys rammed into the back of your ankles. Strangers breathing down the back of your neck. Weirdos standing right up against you. Aaarghhhh!

So much to look forward to.

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Unfortunately, every now and then you just have to go face the horde. Sigh.

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It can be a successful trip IF you find what you are looking for. If…

Now when it comes to shopping for new clothes, I must have the most unique body or  something.

  • I can never find ‘long sleeved’ tops that actually have sleeves long enough to fit my ‘orangutan’ arms.
  • Tops with buttons don’t button up over my boobs, so you get the fantastic button gape. Or they cut the circulation off of your arms.Or they bulge in the wrong places because you have to get 3 sizes bigger than what you are, just to accommodate for your breasts. Sigh
  • T-shirts are just too short, God forbid you need to reach the top shelf, and your love handles are exposed.
  • Pants fit my hips but are super baggy on thighs and you get the ‘dropped crotch’ look you weren’t going for. Or you get pants in a smaller size, emphasize the muffin top, but it fits your legs perfectly… until you need to bend or even just sit and there is crack attack! Surprise! Gaaa!
  • Bra sets or Bikini’s – you either need to buy two sets, one in a size that the bottoms fit and the other one in a size that fits the top half. Or the mix and match… So yeah, I have no matching underwear sets. #FirstWorldProblems
  • Plus size clothing has horizontal stripes EVERYWHERE. No! Horizontal stripes make you appear wider and shorter. Dumbass.

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Even if you eventually throw in the towel and just go to the more expensive store, find something that actually fits amazingly, wear it, love it, wash it… And it stretches, or shrinks or starts pilling! (A pill, colloquially known as a bobble, is a small ball of fibers that forms on a piece of cloth.)

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Where does one find good quality clothing that actually fits these days?? Must we all just save up to hire our own personal dressmakers?

Honestly, do they want us non ‘average’ sized people to walk around naked?

Jokes on you then, because I avoid mirrors for a reason.

emotional-triggers

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